Post by ThinkinOnIt on Jul 22, 2004 20:54:21 GMT -5
This gentleman was hired to fly very important people from america to a private island, his helicopter was fitted with floatation devices, so that he could land virtually anywhere. one day he was going a little beyond E on his fuel gauge when the engine stopped, the gentleman he was transporting put on a float jacket and inflated it fully. the pilot told him " sir this aircraft floats" to which the gentleman replied " yeah and you said it would fly too"
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i am not sure if it is already here, but what is brown and sticky?
a stick.
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a woman died, when she got to the pearly gates St. Peter greeted her, and said that to enter she must spell one word, she asked what the word was and St. Peter said " love" she spelled it and was permitted entry. several years later she had been told to watch the gate while St. Peter took care of a chore, as she stood at the gate her husband appeared, she was sad but happy to see him. she asked how he had been. " well, the day of your funeral i fell down and broke my foot, but this awesome 18 year old nurse volunteered to help me get well, we fell in love, i sold the house and with the money your belongings brought i was able to buy a Yacth" she smiled and told him that to enter heaven he had to spell one word " ok honey, whats the word" she smiled even wider and replied " biosupereconomically"
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want to hear the dirtiest joke in the whole world?
little boy fell down in the mud.
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ever wonder why dogs have ears, they dont use them to hear as you might think, and the reason is simple: use your right foot to scratch your right elbow, and still look happy.
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what did Dr. Frankenstien get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his golden retreiver?
i never heard what he called it, but it was great at chasing submarines.
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A young businessman had just gotten a great job, no more cubicle, he had an office with a door, a personal assistant and a secretary. one his first day he sat bored in his office when someone knocked on the door, not trying to look lazy he picked up the telephone and asked the person in, as the visitor stood watching the young man went on and on "buy, 3000 shares at $2000 each, sell 15000 shares at $15000, oh the boss will promote me surely" the young man concluded his "call" and asked the visitor what he needed " oh nothing, i'm here to fix the phone"
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In a very rural part of a southern state a store caught on fire, the fire department was notified, and soon sirens were heard, around the corner came the oldest, raggedy pickup in town, and perched all over it was about 30 poeple. the driver flunh the steering wheel into the burning building and the people on board jumped off and began stomping out the fire, after all the flames were out the new mayor came by to see what was going on, everyone was applauding these people.
so after finding out what had gone on he had a collection taken up and given to the driver. the mayor asked the feeble old driver what he intended to buy with the money, to which the old man said " well, i think new brakes fer the truck"
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______________
i am not sure if it is already here, but what is brown and sticky?
a stick.
____________________
a woman died, when she got to the pearly gates St. Peter greeted her, and said that to enter she must spell one word, she asked what the word was and St. Peter said " love" she spelled it and was permitted entry. several years later she had been told to watch the gate while St. Peter took care of a chore, as she stood at the gate her husband appeared, she was sad but happy to see him. she asked how he had been. " well, the day of your funeral i fell down and broke my foot, but this awesome 18 year old nurse volunteered to help me get well, we fell in love, i sold the house and with the money your belongings brought i was able to buy a Yacth" she smiled and told him that to enter heaven he had to spell one word " ok honey, whats the word" she smiled even wider and replied " biosupereconomically"
__________________
want to hear the dirtiest joke in the whole world?
little boy fell down in the mud.
__________________
ever wonder why dogs have ears, they dont use them to hear as you might think, and the reason is simple: use your right foot to scratch your right elbow, and still look happy.
_________________
what did Dr. Frankenstien get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his golden retreiver?
i never heard what he called it, but it was great at chasing submarines.
__________________
A young businessman had just gotten a great job, no more cubicle, he had an office with a door, a personal assistant and a secretary. one his first day he sat bored in his office when someone knocked on the door, not trying to look lazy he picked up the telephone and asked the person in, as the visitor stood watching the young man went on and on "buy, 3000 shares at $2000 each, sell 15000 shares at $15000, oh the boss will promote me surely" the young man concluded his "call" and asked the visitor what he needed " oh nothing, i'm here to fix the phone"
______________________
In a very rural part of a southern state a store caught on fire, the fire department was notified, and soon sirens were heard, around the corner came the oldest, raggedy pickup in town, and perched all over it was about 30 poeple. the driver flunh the steering wheel into the burning building and the people on board jumped off and began stomping out the fire, after all the flames were out the new mayor came by to see what was going on, everyone was applauding these people.
so after finding out what had gone on he had a collection taken up and given to the driver. the mayor asked the feeble old driver what he intended to buy with the money, to which the old man said " well, i think new brakes fer the truck"
___________________